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Victim of domestic violence in need of financial help, please read

Anonymous started this conversation

I left my son's abusive father in October of 2006 and have been supporting my son and myself for these past months.  I have employment however with the cost of hiring a lawyer and lack of recieving child support I have created quite a debt.  I am sinking further and further in the hole as I try to catch up on bills and legal matters. I tried to go to court without legal representation and quickly found that an appointed attorney was not beneficial to my needs.  His father hired a lawyer that got him off  of the assault charges (of which I had pictures).  I have been in an undisclosed location because the law enforcement officers that worked my case feel that in light of his actions and threats he is a dangerous man to both our child and me.  I felt I had to hire a lawyer as he was trying to take custody of our son.  This was not an option for me, so here I am in debt beyond any repair that I am capable of fixing. The social service department has turned me away because I am employed, I have no credit to use for loan or credit card applications. My situation gets worse everyday.  I do not have rent for this month.  I have exhausted all of my resources (I have nothing left to sell). Please help me get back on my feet. I will be fine once this hole is filled.  I have nothing except love of my child to help me through this time in our lives. He sometimes asks  to do things that we simply cannot afford, I should be able to buy him an ice cream when he asks (which is rare because even my 6 year old understands that we have NO money).  I am not one to ever pull the "help me" card, but noe I feel that since I am that kind of person I have really hurt myself and my son by being too proud to ask for help and now it may be too late. Thank you for reading my story and plea. I know there are people out there in much more need that I but I hope somewhere there is someone who can help me. 

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browngirl   in reply to annie46
Going to court soon for dv,seem so lost
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Brittany poole   in reply to blakeshope
I think its up to us to accept that it has gone to far and make more of an effort to do what we need for our kids my kids have not had a chance to see there mom at her best BC between him not working MONEY and just being miserable fighting and feeling trapped inside my own body I can not focus on doing anything but getting away from this and how that's why I want to move away and run cause that may be my only option to get away im tied of blocking out the truth that I could die and my kids are suffering BC its reality and its hard for me to accept it I never thought my life would end up so suffering and miserable when im only 22 this should be the best days of my life and these days are the death of me
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kelleygirl13   in reply to blakeshope
ladies, I too was a victim of D.V. and my abuser continued long after I left him. Actually, the harassing escalated when I was remarried and got pregnant again. I have 2 kids and my husband and I have lost everything fighting for custody. i'm the only one working. my advice, save your money on lawyers. ask about Law Coaching. self represent and learn how to file with the courts. call the police! keep calling. inundate with police reports to show the courts the danger he causes to you and your kids. go to churches and synegogues for food pantries. even saving on a week's work of food could pay a bill or help with the rent. apply for scholarships to camps and after school programs and daycare. get comfortable telling your story and drop your pride. you are the person in need of help. you are the underprivileged. accept it and accept the help. that's why it's there. I am a professional with a master's degree and a business license with the state of California. I know how hard this is when you are used to following rules, paying your bills and building good credit. apply for fee waivers and ask for financial assistance programs with your healthcarrier (I kinow Kaiser has one). apply for healthy families or Medi-cal. qualify all who live with you and make sure you check the cutoffs and criteria's for lowest income that qualifies for assistance in programs. you would be surprised especially if you live in an affluent area. I applied and got my daughter free after school care. keep trying. don't stop. tomorrow is another day and you have a higher power who has gotten you this far.
sending love
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mamabear3
I know the feeling. I filed for divorce 6 years ago, because I had enough of trying to keep the family together, and healthy, but got nowhere with an abusive then husband. The county threatened to file a CHIPS on us because of the many times I had to call for help, so I had no choice. How does an at-home mom get a divorce when the husband manipulates me into giving up any money our boys' or I had, and I'm not able to get Legal Aid nor Pro Bono help. 6 years of legal battles between CHIPS hearings, and custody because of my ex exceeds into the 6 digits now. My ex keeps trying to take the boys' away from me as well, and continues to drag out court involvement which is insane and could cost us our boys'. I wish I could help, but I'm in the same boat.
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annie46   in reply to Onawishandaprayer
Hi you are a very strong and couragious woman and I am proud of you not giving in to the demands put upon you by self serving[ people?] I will be praying for your victory in all of these trials and I know your children cannot help but be proud and amazed at their awesome mom Stay strong and stay right and I will keep you in my prayers annie46
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Onawishandaprayer   in reply to LookOnTheBrightSide
I have read all these post with a heavy heart. My Husband tried to kill me. He was arrested. 10 hours later he was released. He was not served with the Oder of Protection upon release even though they had it for several hours. Court files have disapeared . it has been 23 months and he has not been before a judge for the Domestic Violence charges brought by the state. He was ordered to help financially but has never been held to it. He has violate the OP many times. The Attorney I hired to representment me would not go back to court and file contempt charges so that action could be taken because I would not have sex with him. Also it law here that the abuser pay all attroney's fees in regard to an OP. The law reads that they "shall" pay. that means there is no wiggle room. it is not left to a judges descretion period. However this Judge did not care and I was required to pay. My attorney refused to requwst the Jusge to Order my husband to pay unless I paid him more money. I tried to represent my self and filed a motion for contempt. At the hearing I was told that My Artorney had not withdrawn therefore the Judge would not hear my motion. The judge asked me what I expected him to do. The moment I opened my mouth to answer. The Jusge pointed his finger at me an read me rights. I went back tonthe Attorney and aske him to withdraw as my attorney of record and laughe at me and did nothing. i am hel hostiage by his fedusel until such a time I can hire another Attorney or I degrade myself and allow him his sick sexual demands. he believs when I become financially destitue and deperate enough that I will give myself to him. I so want to tell more but if I do and somebody reads this my life would be in jeopardy. I may have alrwady Said too much. Suffice it to say that the justice system has done maybe more damage to me than my husband. Attorney's saw me a vulnerable and I was. I trusted them and everyone of them has taken advantage. Unfortunately they hold te power and not I. I am a strong and determined woman but it does not matter. They have made it impossible for me to find employment. Again I can not say why. Every month is a struggle and ther is no support for DV victims in my area. Anytime an organization try's to open here they are shut down before they can even get started. You see victims are easy pray and the justice system here doesn't want any interference. Because a victim such as myself will sell everything they have if they have anything. They barrow from family or friends and work even when their hands bleed and Their bodies ach to pay those attorney's because our lives depend on it. The longer they can keep you as a victim the more they serve to gain from you. I know this to be fact. If you run out of money or options to obtain money then they'll take your body in trade and sometimes they want both. Women here don't leave the abuse. They only have to look at me to know better. Women are even afraid to join a support group in my area. I realize I may not be able to win my battles but maybe I can help others because I can not bare te thought that in this day and age we are still oppressed and devalued as human beings. Our rights are trampled and one way or another we are inslaved. The problem while I have the ability, the knowledge, the skills, the drive and the vision to know what we need beyond any available current resources I do not have the money or the time to do it alone. I don't have the money for my own survival at this point. However I quietly plug along little by little. When I'm not trying to meet my own survival needs every waking momemnt is spent on putting together a non profit organization to meet some of these needs. I have to use unconventional and surprising maybe even shocking means of networking just to stay under the radar of the curroption in the county and surrounding counties that I live in. I have been told on numerous occasions that What I am doing if found out or if they think I may actually succeed that my life could be taken. I'm no longer afraid of that possibility. I am far more afraid of living a life were I can not rise above the state of being a victim. My children will never know their own self worth if I can not gain back the control of my own. I would rather my children miss my presence in their life and know that I never gave up then to watch me be victimized over and over and not fight for change and better life for them.
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sismarymargret@yahoo.com   in reply to momofthreegreatkids
yeah..my legs are in splint from my x..hard to work when feet broken..ashore new to cripple me so he could get everything in court..including my babies..then as if its not bad enough my case worker at gr Patricia Williams is making me go all over the place for documents dumb pitch..nominal gr..so here's the thing..if use got kids..and the ashore left u in a mess i get it..ill babysit for yuan and together we can nail the buttocks.only thing i want since mine got the car ....is sum one to drive me to the beach Friday afternoon..have a fire to roast wines..symbolic of course and get coffee....til five am..my x will be toast sat morning..hopefully they all will
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momofthreegreatkids   in reply to LookOnTheBrightSide
I am an educated, professional mom to three great kids. I called 911 after my fiance broke my right cheek bone with his fist then proceeded to duct tape my hands and feet and keep me at knife point. It wasn't the first time but I felt this time it would end up with me dead or worse, my children. I make too much money for any services but not enough to make ends meet. I have to start paying for childcare for my one year old on 9/1 and have no way to do it let alone pay for insurance for my children. I feel like I am continuing to be victimized over and over again. My ex has been in jail since the night I called, 1/28/12 and he is facing 58 years. I have tried everything, even creating a youtube video begging for financial help so that I can pay for day care otherwise I will lose my job on 9/1/12.

Can you help or direct me to someone that can?

http://youtu.be/t9j2CgoSA...

At this point I regret calling the police, if he was out he could continue to help financially with his job as a software engineer. Yes, I could potentially end up dead but at this point it feels like I am slowly dying anyway.
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mafy   in reply to blakeshope
I am trying to support my daughter after leaving her father .and its just imposible. No one cares to help :'(
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Abatteredwoman
Hello, i am also in an abusive marriage, i have 2 school aged children, i lost my mother recently and it feels like i have no one to turn to.. Its a task looking for financial assistance, i just dont know what to do next.
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ButterflyDetoured

Gosh, I really understand what your going through. I'm in the same boat. I fled to another state to a Domestic Violence Shelter from my abusive violence relationship. I'm very grateful to the shelter who allowed me to stay there, until my unemployment kicked in and I was able to find housing. It's so hard now where I'm at, like yourself, I used up all my resources. Unemployment doesn't pay as much as the two jobs I had in the state where I fled from. I cry all the time, because I have kids, who lives had to alter because I thought he loved me. I'm grateful to be in a safe place, but times I feel like I should have stayed and chanced my life, instead of living in a state where I don't know no one and can't get a job unless you know someone. I'm trying to stay above waters, but each day I'm drowing in debt. I always questioned why people give up on life due to financial situation, I now see.. But I'm staying strong, because I know one day, this too shall pass. I hope you well in life and just no that you are not alone.

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shakti8
Go on a debt management plan, You did not choose to be violent and destabilize family life. If anyone can justify debt you can. Just go on a plan and make sure you pay the rent! all you need is warm house and healthy food. Odd treats are ok but streamline finances and get on top of the situation. This is the aftermath of domestic abuse, but don't forget what an amazing thing you have done!!
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LookOnTheBrightSide
 in response to blakeshope...   Hello how are you getting along? I have been traveling to gather support and promote peace and non-violence.
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LookOnTheBrightSide
 in response to carable...   

Google search for churches, interns, colleges, any non profit org. Just cuz they are non profit they are still a biz and have to pay for services.

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carable
 in response to LookOnTheBrightSide...   I am in desperate need of some houses to clean so I can save some money for a car to get my kids around and myself back and forth to the doctor. If there is a great church around I would love to go! Any suggestions?
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LookOnTheBrightSide
 in response to LookOnTheBrightSide...   stay close to me, I will help you,
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LookOnTheBrightSide
 in response to carable...   

My best friend is nearby. This is amazing. IS there anything u immediately need?

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carable
 in response to LookOnTheBrightSide...   I am in Colorado, Denver metro area
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LookOnTheBrightSide
 in response to carable...   What area are you living? (state)
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carable

Hi,

I just left my abuser less than 2 months ago with nothing but the clothes on my back. I have no job and am disabled and have no idea where this month's rent is coming from! I feel as if maybe I should have just stayed and taken it! At least I knew what to expect and had a roof over my head. I was in a shelter that promised to help but after 30 days they tell you your on your own. What are my kids and I supposed to do? I keep praying for my SSI to go through quickly, but so far no good.....Please help! 

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